I started a blog post around Thanksgiving that started to go in a different direction by the middle of December, and now that it’s January 1 I’m being pulled in a completely different direction and I think it’s what needs shared today. I’ll get back to the other stuff later – it’s good.

Today, I’ve already seen so many posts about new year’s resolutions regarding weight loss and the words being used are sending me straight back to how I felt about myself on this very day two years ago. And my mentality around all of this could not be more different now than compared to what it was back then. Here’s what I wish I would have known at the beginning of 2017. I’ll be completely honest and tell you that if I were to have read this blog post two years ago, these concepts would have felt completely foreign to me and I probably would have disagreed with most of them. It’s taken some pretty constant effort to rewire the thoughts I previously had about my health, my worth, my body and my happiness. But this rewiring has also allowed me to love myself so much more than I ever knew I could.

My size is not necessarily indicative of my health. Our society focuses SO much on “weight loss” and the negative impact that being overweight can have on one’s body. While I do believe that’s true (to some extent), I also think it’s true that there are a thousand ways to lose weight that are not in the pursuit of good health. “Smaller” is not always equal to “healthier.” Example: in 2014 I lost weight by eating next to nothing all day so I could have chicken strips, fries and a blizzard from Dairy Queen for dinner. And you know what reinforced those super unhealthy habits? Hearing my friends and family tell me “You look great!” (AKA you look smaller.) These comments all come from a place of love and good intention, and I have said them to others too. But having had personal experience with doing unhealthy things to get external results that made me appear healthy, it made me reconsider the way I was praising and congratulating others for their weight loss without any knowledge of what they were doing to themselves to get those results. I am “bigger” now than I was at other points in my life when I thought I was at my optimal health, and know that my nutrition and exercising habits are much healthier for me now than they were back then.

My health is not indicative of my worth. I wish I could give my 2017 self a big hug and a much needed heart to heart with lots of encouragement. In hindsight, I know full well that I did not believe this back then. Healthy or unhealthy, we are all worthy. We all matter, and we all have value to add to this world. What makes me most sad, is that I felt like I had to lose weight to give myself the confidence and courage to be my unapologetic self. I wish I would have known that I had just as much to offer the world then as I do now. I left a lot of life unlived by exhausting so much energy on comparing myself to others, trying to figure out how to lose weight, shaming myself for what I was eating and for looking the way I did… if this is you, listen up. YOU matter. YOU are worthy. You are worthy right now, in this very moment, regardless of what you look like. You were beautifully and wonderfully made and you are capable of anything and everything you want to accomplish, without losing weight first.

My body is not me. This may sound a little out there, but hear me out. This took me a long time to grasp, but it’s a belief that has totally transformed how I view myself. I am Lauren. I am not Lauren’s body. Even when my body feels unhealthy, broken down or weak, that does not mean that I am those things. At the end of the day, my body is the place that my spirit dwells. Have you ever thought of yourself without your body? What does it look like to just be YOU – without all the physical attributes attached? The limited attributes than can be used to describe my body do not even begin to describe me.

My happiness isn’t determined by my health. I didn’t know it at the time, but I blamed my poor health for being the reason why I wasn’t truly happy. “When I weigh ____, I’ll be happy.” “When I lose just five more pounds, I’ll be happy.” “When those jeans fit again, I’ll be happy.” I wasted a lot of time on waiting to be happy, when I could have chosen to be happy right then and there, regardless of the circumstances. Yes, it undoubtedly “feels good” to feel healthy. But I can still feel happy even when I don’t feel healthy. There were plenty of times this past year that made me realize if I’m counting on perfect nutrition and perfect workouts to bring me happiness, then I’m going to be in a world of hurt when life happens and makes those things challenging, or even impossible to accomplish at times. I learned how to be happy even when I didn’t feel my healthiest, feel the best about my body, what I was eating, how I was moving… and though it was a really frustrating time I’m thankful I learned how to find happiness despite those things.

It’s okay if you don’t believe these things, or if you have no desire to. It took hearing these messages over and over and over and at the right time for me to really internalize them, which ultimately changed how I thought about myself and how I lived my life. If you’re ready for a change in this direction, I have a few suggestions on where to start.

Tune out people who make you feel otherwise about any of the above. Have you ever really paid attention to the messaging you ingest on a daily basis? Like really. Through our TVs, the radio, social media, who we spend time with… we are exposed to so many messages that prey on our insecurities and we have more control over this than what we might think. Watch a new show, change the station and unfollow people if any of what’s coming at you makes you feel “less than.” I’m fortunate enough to not have experience with this in regards to relationships, but if you have a parent, a sibling, a partner, a friend, a co-worker, etc. who is making you feel this way, it might be time for a conversation about it. The people I surround myself with make me feel loved and the people I follow on social media share these messages constantly. Knowing that they believe these things helps me to believe them about myself, too. One of my favorite people to follow is Jenna Kutcher. Her body positive messages are what we need to see more of in my opinion.

Start noticing others for who they are, not what they look like. By focusing less on what you see and more on what you feel when you’re with others, the more you’ll be able to do this with yourself. It’s crazy how what we judge in others is often what we judge most about ourselves. When you criticize others less, you will start to criticize yourself less, too. Pay others compliments that are focused on their character. E.g. “I really appreciate the way you support me when I’m having a hard day.”

Focus on your health, not your reflection or the scale. I think many of us have been fed the same BS when it comes to how to get healthy. Eat less calories. Exercise more. Eat low fat. Eat low carb. etc. I didn’t truly know how to get healthy until I took the time to learn about it (and I don’t recommend using Dr. Google for this either). If you truly want to change your health I encourage you to learn about the power of real food and how the nutrients in vegetables, fruits and properly raised animal products can impact your health for the better. By spending more time on educating myself and making changes based upon that information, I have spent less time caring about what my appearance looks like and what number I see on the scale. And oh, the scale. I now weigh myself maybe four times a year. If the number you see determines how you talk to yourself, do yourself a favor and take a break from it. You can still have a “good day” even if you feel two pounds heavier.

Book recommendations:

• Eat the Yolks by Liz Wolfe
  • “Liz Wolfe doesn’t just make a case for eating the whole egg. She uncovers the shocking lies we’ve been told about fat, cholesterol, routine, carbs and calories and brings us the truth about which foods are healthy – and which foods are really harming us.” (Back Cover)
• Practical Paleo by Diane SanFilippo
  • “Practical Paleo provides all the information you need to switch to a Paleo lifestyle and maintain it long-term. A comprehensive review of how food affects our bodies clears up confusion about what’s good and what’s bad. Thirty-day meal plans address a wide variety of concerns, from overcoming illness to losing weight to enhancing athletic performance.” (Front Cover)

Podcast recommendations:

• Balanced Bites
• Well Fed Women
  • Both of these podcasts are for women, by women and shed light on a healthy and balanced approach to nutrition and physical health while keeping in mind the challenges of reality and the importance of mental health, sleep, stress management, hormonal health, etc.

Wishing you so much love and happiness in 2019,

Lauren